Category: Minimalism

How to be a Minimalist With Kids: Figuring it out Part 2 (Finding YOUR Kind of Minimalism)

Posted on by Katie Coughran

If you remember my last post on Minimalism and sacrificing the junk–both physical and emotional–in your life to get what you want, you might remember that I said that I would be spending the next 30 minutes cleaning with my kids. Well, life happened and my son ended up getting a pretty nasty cut instead. He’s fine–just really freaked out by wounds, though his pain tolerance is super high.

Anyway, I went upstairs later that night, looked in my son’s room, then my daughter’s room and I was reminded of a light bulb moment that I had previously had. Everyone needs a different amount of stuff, so everybody’s version of minimalism–should they choose to practice it–will look different.

Feel free to read our ongoing journey, or skip to the tips bullet-pointed below!

Did you know that I happen to not eat meat/fish/chicken? I also happen to try to avoid most dairy products and try my best to eat lots of whole grains, fruits and veggies. If you were to put a name to this, it might be Vegetarian, Plant-Based, Vegan, Herbivore, Crazy or who knows what else! After having lived with a few health issues and completely involving myself in the world of Vegetarians and Vegans, I’ve learned that my body isn’t stereotypical and I just can’t camp 100% with most of those titles.

What it comes down to is that I don’t want somebody’s ideals imposed upon me–I want to eat to choose for myself. To illustrate this point, I’ve got the perfect story for you. I was once given a plate of rice and veggies at a social event. I was very grateful that they had made a plate for me that didn’t include meat and was about to take a bite when the person that gave it to me questioned whether I would eat the rice or not–it had been made with chicken stock.

I thanked said person that seemed to be testing me, told them that I had noticed, but that I would go ahead and eat it anyway–I didn’t want to make a fuss when they had already gone to the trouble for me. What I didn’t say aloud was that, along with not wanting to be rude, I also didn’t want to disrespect the life of the chicken by wasting the food that graced the table due to said chicken. While I wouldn’t eat full-on pieces of meat due to health reasons as well as having gotten an aversion as a child that led to not wanting to eat animals, at the time, I just didn’t feel it would be right to not eat the rice and throw it in the garbage.

The woman then said some of the words that made me begin to realize that I didn’t like sharing with others that I was Vegan. In a snippy tone and loud enough for everyone at the table to hear, she said, “So then, you’re not really a Vegan,” and walked away. Honestly, it was humiliating. And it made me mad. As I’ve thought about it over the years (yes, I need to let it go), I’ve decided to not stand in those camps and I created my own because this is my life and I want to do things my own way.

Why do I tell you this? Well, calling yourself a Minimalist might bring on strong reactions from others and I want you to know that–in my opinion–it’s ok to find your own kind of Minimalism. That’s exactly what my husband and I are doing.

Honestly, this is what I didn’t understand when I rejected Minimalism after clearing out 75% of our stuff five years ago. Making Minimalism work for 1-2 people is very different from 1-2 people plus 1 or more children that are four years old or older. Instead of rejecting it, I wish I would have made it work for me/my family in our own way.

Everyone needs a different amount of stuff to be fulfilled in their lives. My son needs more stuff than my daughter. Not realizing this fully simply caused me to ditch minimalism, which resulted in too many toys for my kids–particularly my daughter–and then not teaching my son to share with others what he didn’t need anymore. So, now they have too much stuff because we bought things for our daughter that she would never play with, while I indulged in allowing my son to accumulate and not let go.

As I talked about in my last post, too much “stuff” gets in the way of actually living. It takes too much time to care for it all, costs too much money to purchase it all, and gets in the way of achieving dreams. On the flip side, not finding your kind of minimalism might make you give up if you find it overwhelming to persuade your teenager, spouse or ten children to donate/sell 75% of their stuff.

Here are some tips on finding your kind of Minimalism:

  • Your kind of minimalism might mean none, one or two of an item–it’s all about what is actually useful to you. A question you might ask yourself–and your family–as you sort through items: Is it more valuable to have this item and all of the care/space that comes with it, or is it more valuable to donate it and have that time/space back? What will bring us more time and value to our lives?
  • Our kids are going to have a different kind of minimalism. Work with them to get their spaces in order, be calm, and remember that they may value certain items differently than you do. Letting them choose to keep one item over another will help them feel empowered, in control of their possessions, and (even if they get rid of something that they regret down the road) will help them to practice decision-making skills.
  • My kids have more hobbies/sets of items than they have time to use. We will be sorting said items into groups, then doing the following: We’ll require them to sell/donate a determined number of sets, then we’ll require them to box up a determined number of sets to go into the garage for a few months in order to swap toys out and make space in their rooms. If the toys in the garage haven’t been asked for or missed, we’ll address whether they should be kept or ditched at that time.
  • Set a 30-minute timer to sort through items to give away! Since the last post, we’ve been doing this and it works very well. As I work in their rooms with my kids, I know the clock is ticking, so we work quickly. Decisions are made more easily because we work fast and don’t have time to think about emotional attachments. Pull out a timer–you won’t regret it!
  • Offer a reward! Although I put this in the last post, I think it’s worth noting once more. I want my kids to know that having less has its benefits! Just don’t give them an object as a reward. It needs to be an activity or something that is used up; i.e. candy, going out for french fries, going to the park, watching a movie, going to a museum, going for a nature walk, etc.. I’ve been offering a reward for each cleaning session that we get rid of stuff. They really want the reward, so they’re more willing to part with stuff!
  • Make a goal and then work on it together! Although I am overwhelmed by their mess and all that needs to be done over time, I’ve been making goals for each of my kids, as well as myself, for each cleaning session. For example, today I worked on books and stuffed animals while they cleaned up crafting projects in their rooms. Once we were done, I didn’t complain about how much was left, I simply told them that they’d done a good job, told them it looked better and let them know that I was glad they were working hard, even though they aren’t really happy about letting go of so much stuff.
  • If you know your kids have way too much stuff, but they’re not too keen on letting stuff go, set a number of items to be donated, or assign a space that a certain collection must fit into. As an example, today when we worked through the stuffed animals, I told my kids that the stuffies had to fit in our toy bench. I would hold up an item and ask if it was ok to donate, if they said yes, it was tossed into the bag quickly so that the little stuffed animal eyes didn’t get to them with their sad, pseudo fur faces. If my kids said no, then I said, ok, but find something else that you will donate instead. It worked quite well and I have a garbage bag of donated stuffies, now. While somebody else might not think that the toy bench full of stuffed animals is very minimalist, for my kids, it is. They actually play with the ones that are left!
  • Accept your goals, efforts, and journey to your kind of minimalism! It’s ok if your kind of minimalism looks different to somebody else–isn’t Minimalism living with less and only what you need in order to live a richer life? If you’re doing that or making your way to it, I’d say you’re right on track. Even if it means that you have a few more items than the Minimalist Next Door.

What does Minimalism have to do with my author blog and author efforts? If you remember in this post, I talked about my goals to be a successful independent author and the sacrifices that I need to make in order to do so. My husband and I have a major goal and getting rid of the excess “stuff” is one of many steps toward said goal. And, as we take certain steps, I’ll be sharing our goal with you. We’re just not quite ready for that yet!

So, I want to be a successful author and am sacrificing in order to do so. What goal is your “stuff” sucking time away from?

If you’d like to support my efforts to become a successful author, please take a look at my books HERE–every purchase or kindle page read makes a difference! Thanks in advance!

Also, if you’ve already read my books, will you please leave a review? I honestly can’t tell you how important that social validation is on Amazon! It makes a huge difference in determining whether a customer will try my book or not. Thank you!

How to be a Minimalist with Kids: Figuring it Out Part 1 (Words into Actions)

Posted on by Katie Coughran

If you remember my last post, you’ll recall that I was talking about becoming a successful author. And minimalism. And yes, they were related topics! We definitely need to sacrifice physical and emotional things in order to change and get something that we want. This post will include key parts of our ongoing journey to living intentionally, as well as some tips below!

Some of you may know that about five years ago, my husband and I got rid of 75% of our things and our house was usually super clean. We also had more time and money to do some things that we wanted to do. It was great! However, our children were two and four at the time, and the four year-old was never terribly interested in “things”, but rather, events or activities. Smart girl, that one. I want to be like her when I grow up 🙂

As our son got older, he had many stereotypical boy interests and he soon had trains and building toys and cars and remote control whatevers. It was a slow build-up over a couple of years and it was at this point that I sort of rejected minimalism as something that only worked for singles, couples, and people with very young children–not those with kids that accumulated things due to hobbies. I mean, have you seen those lists of “toys” from the most extreme minimalists? I think the last post that I read on how to be a minimalist with kids included a picture of a–YOUNG–child that had a shoe-box sized box of toys. And that was it.

That would not work for my boy.

It was during this time that I felt that my kids were accumulating belongings and then that stuff would stick around as they got more things and it seemed as if they used all of it, so how could we get rid of it? We also try to live within our budget, so buying toys again after we’ve gotten rid of them isn’t something we’re interested in.

However, there has been a shift. I’ve realized that my kids really have grown out of certain things (whether I like them getting older or not). My daughter has become more invested in books and activities while my son has stopped playing with certain toys as he focuses on others.

The outgrown toys have remained on their shelves, though. We haven’t gotten rid of much of anything in a while and my son’s room now kind of looks like a hoarder’s room. Looking around, I wonder how on earth it happened and how many hours it’s going to take to clean it up and sort it out.

The other problem? While my daughter has willingly and gladly given certain toys away, my boy has become sentimentally attached to his belongings. So, now he has a room full of stuff that makes a giant mess, that he can’t even imagine living without. And it’s more than he can care for on his own.

Yes, you’re right. Maybe I shouldn’t have scoffed at that shoe-box of “toys” that included a string of beads and a wooden sewing needle with yarn.

Going through their rooms with giant giveaway bags is probably a horrible idea, but I’ve come to the point where something must change. So, what have I done? I’ve decided to be the example. I’ve been piling things up that I’m ready to get rid of and sticking them in plain sight so that my children can see my sacrifices for change.

I went through my kitchen and wardrobe first and found the things that had lost value, usefulness, and meaning. I think that these two areas have been pretty easy to start with. First off, if you’re the in-home chef and like me, you get tired of looking at certain things anyway, so getting rid of them isn’t too bad. And certain items of clothing have been classified as traitors because they’ve grown too small, so it’s easy to get rid of a bad relationship with a shirt, as well.

Wherever you start, though, here are some tips that will, hopefully, add to your success.

BEGINNING THE “MINIMALISM WITH KIDS JOURNEY” TIPS:

  • First off, possessions hold memories, both good and bad. KEEP CALM!! It’s ok if it takes a little time, or if you aren’t ready to let go of certain things yet. Do a little at a time and you’ll be able to work through the process much more happily. This applies whether you’re working through your stuff, or others’ possessions.
  • SET A TIMER. I’m going to spend the next thirty minutes working on my kids’ rooms. WITH THEM, of course. It might be frustrating, difficult, or emotional. Isn’t cleaning kiddo rooms always? Setting a timer will help all of us to have a goal and a vision of relief from a possibly stressful situation. Whether you’re working with kids or alone, setting a timer is a great idea!
  • OFFER A REWARD. I told my kiddos that, once we’ve worked through our timer, there will be a reward when they are done. I want them to immediately feel the benefits of having less stuff, so I’m going to offer to take them to the park, the library, have a popsicle, watch a movie together, read a book to them, play a game with them, work in the garden together, or something else. This gets a little tricky, because our rewards are often things. I want them to know that they are missing out on experiences when we aren’t living intentionally and our stuff takes away our time as we have to spend excess time to take care of it. Ultimately, I want my children to value experiences more than things. And, don’t forget! Offer a reward to yourself! A beautiful truffle, cup of tea, manicure, a nap, an extra chapter of a book or going on a walk.
  • PICK AN EASY AREA TO START WITH. I chose the kitchen on purpose! When I had finally found a much-needed set of pots to replace the ones I’ve got, I knew that I didn’t want to have both sets cluttering up my kitchen. So, getting rid of those pots was the first step and replacing them with a new, more functional, WAY SMALLER set felt great. Once those pots had started a pile, I added several items to it, then full-on attacked it the next day. One last attack, and the kitchen will be much less cluttered and full of things that are useful to me. Starting with sentimental items, or things that’ll take a lot of time to sort out will likely be discouraging.
  • GRAB GARBAGE FIRST. If you feel overwhelmed by your stuff, getting rid of things sounds awful to you, or you have a busy schedule, easier is better–you need doable! Grab a garbage can or bag and go through an area, room or your whole house. Toss old receipts that you don’t need, junk mail, that sock with a hole in it, or things that can’t be sold/donated that you don’t want around anymore. Going through it quickly makes this process easy and fast! You’ll notice the difference quickly, which will be motivating, and you will have less to visually overwhelm you so that you can actually see what you need to get rid of.

One thing to note is that, while many things can be purchased again if you free yourself of it too quickly, sometimes that’s just a hassle. Try putting items that you’re uncertain of in a dated box. Items that you pull out to use might be worth keeping and in fitting with YOUR kind of minimalism. For instance, I cook and bake a lot. I’m trying to decide if it’s worth it to keep my two sets of measuring cups and measuring spoons–often having two sets makes the process a lot quicker. However, it’s also more to clean up and store. I’m going to decide what has more value, then keep or get rid of the items.

While being an example isn’t going to make my kids suddenly want to get rid of everything that they don’t use anymore, I have noticed them adding a few things to the pile, which is extremely encouraging. Now that the pile has been started and as we discuss the benefits of having less, we will slowly go through their things together, so that they feel comfortable and confident that their opinions and possessions are respected.

That confidence is important–I feel strongly that kids need to be respected in regard to their belongings. I do not want to create hoarding tendencies in my children simply because I forced them to get rid of stuff that they weren’t ready to let go of yet. This can often make kids hold on to things even tighter because they feel that they could be taken away at any moment.

Going back to my first post: I want to be a successful author. I will be sacrificing a bunch of my “stuff”–emotional and physical–in order to have that dream become a reality. Amidst trying to flip our house in order to live that and other family dreams, I don’t have time to take care of a whole bunch of possessions that have completely lost their meaning and value.

Ultimately, if I feel that way, I know that it’s affecting my kids, husband and our family as a whole. So, I’m beginning by putting my words into action and helping them to see that I’m happier with having less to care for, more time to enjoy life, and feeling great that my old possessions can better the lives of other people.

What about you? Has the spring cleaning/minimalism bug bitten you, yet? What are you doing to add value to your life?

Your support is SO APPRECIATED!! If you enjoyed this article, please consider purchasing one of my books, grabbing a free one to review, sign up for a Readers’ List, or telling a friend/sharing this article with the buttons below.

It’s not easy being an indie author, but I’m determined! Feel free to click the links above to support my goals and I’ll keep the info and books coming!